i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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