now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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