I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
