my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
