This is not my ceiling
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
