Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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