For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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