After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
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