The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
