its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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