Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
