...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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