:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
