come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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