i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Actions speak louder than pants.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
