ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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