i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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