Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
