Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
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