East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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