We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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