So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
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