I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Randomize
