But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
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