I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Randomize
