dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
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