last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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