Your face is a jimmy john
look no pants
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
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