Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
