The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize