Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Randomize
