Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize