You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Randomize
