idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
