my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize