ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
