First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
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