When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
