I will die if light touches me.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
