we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
