when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Randomize
