Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
