these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize