i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
