i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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