oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
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