I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
