So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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