Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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