woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
