FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
