i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
