I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
