Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize