you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
