great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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