we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
