I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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