Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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