he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize