instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
