Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Randomize
