you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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