I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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