rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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