When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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