I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
