Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize
