we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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